Wedding Speech Material
Best Man Wedding Speech: Why I Sucked the First Time and Blew Them Away the Second Time
I was quite young the first time a friend of mine asked me to be his Best Man. In my opinion there was nothing more stupid than getting hitched, I just didn’t understand it, why would anyone want to limit themselves to one woman, supposedly for the rest of their lives. We were all having too much fun.
But who was I to argue, he was in love, they had plans for a family and I wasn’t about to tell him what to do.
So off we went and hurtled headlong towards the wedding. They didn’t exactly have a grand affair planned, but the family wasn’t poor either: it was going to be a low key church wedding with a reception afterwards for about 50 guests (mainly family with a few friends). The problem was that we had no clue about weddings, and we were all arrogant enough to assume that we knew it all (ah, the folly of youth!) That was fine for the Groom because there was no way that the ‘adults’ were going to allow things to go wrong with the ceremony. Which just left the things that were in my court, and again, arrogance took over. After all, it was just all about the bachelor party, right? Oh how wrong that proved to be.
Now, I won’t go into the exact details of the stag night (which we foolishly held the night before the wedding- mistake number one), suffice to say that younger side of the male wedding party didn’t get much sleep (none actually) and we consumed more alcohol (and other things besides) than were good for us. I am of the opinion that the Groom didn’t compromise himself (although there are holes in the early hours) but that was the only ‘classic’ mistake that we didn’t make that night.
Needless to say we were all more than a little jaded for the wedding, and with so much alcohol in our systems from the night before, starting to drink again at the reception was a recipe for disaster.
Then it was speech time!
The Groom did ok, basically mumbling his way through a half assed speech, but he recognized his limitations in that department and cut his losses. I wasn’t so lucky, again the folly of youth!
It was the classic mistake of confusing humor with embarrassment: I really don’t think that the Grooms new wife, mother and grandmother really wanted to know details about his sordid past, and I was too drunk to take note of the stunned silence as I basically nearly ended the marriage before it had begun. Needless to say, eventually I sat down to a quiet room, and I distinctly heard a not-so-quiet whisper of ‘idiot’!
Luckily for me the day was rescued by the Bride’s mother, who was a masterful orator, and she got the whole room back on track with a brilliant, witty, emotional salute to the new couple.
Skip forward 9 years…
My friendship with the Groom was never resurrected from that, essentially he tried to keep a brave face on it, but whether he himself really didn’t want me close after that, or whether he had pressure from elsewhere (it was a made-for-sitcom situation, the classic best friends new bride hates you kind of thing) I will never know. Basically the whole lifestyle that we had been involved in dissolved, everyone went there separate ways, and I can say now that it all seems like a previous life to me.
With a whole new set of friends and a life lesson under my belt I was again approached by a good friend of mine to be his best man. I have to say that I was a little apprehensive about taking it on this time and suggested several better candidates to the Groom; I even told him the story of the last time that I had attempted being a best man.
“I know about that!” he told me, “that’s why you are perfect for the job.”
Did that make sense, not at the time, but in the end I agreed to do it, and secretly resolved that I was going to be the greatest Best Man I could be.
In my favor this time round was the advance in technology that there had been in the previous nine years. The internet was around back then but was only a shadow of what it is today. I don’t think that I had even seen it working back then, let alone used it myself. So I started there, Google-d some choice words and started researching what I was getting myself in to. I didn’t totally abandon traditional places of learning and found some excellent info at the library. Knowledge is power and I wanted to have as much as possible!
All this research really brought home how badly I had let down my friend so many years before. It is easy to be flippant about such things as being a Best Man, but at the end of the day this is a serious responsibility, not only because you owe your friends your best, but also, this is a legal contract that you are witnessing. Also, the average wedding costs a small fortune; some people spend as much on the wedding as they would on a small car, others as much as a house! If you are going to be an integral part of something that large you had better take it seriously.
Firstly, when you agree to be someone’s Best Man you are stepping up to be his personal assistant, confidant, butler, representative and much more besides. You are there to ensure that the Groom fulfills all his obligations, ensure that he is on time, dressed properly and in control of his nerves and fears. The Groom is dealing with a lot, and if he is a typical man, he is not sharing any of his fears with anyone, not even you, but be assured, no matter how confident he is that he is making the right choice in marrying his fiancé, be is still going to be having doubts. Just assume that he is and your job is a lot easier. Put yourself in his shoes, if your mind is on higher things; are you not likely to forget all the minute, meaningless details of life? If you are human, then yes you are.
It is your main role as best man to ensure that all these details happen, because none of them are minute of meaningless. This is why the Best Man traditionally has the role of carrying the wedding ring to the church: if it was the Grooms job then it would be missing from more ceremonies than not!
Traditionally the Best Man is seen as being responsible for two major parts of the wedding event: the stag do and the speech at the reception; so lets look at each of these.
At my first attempt at this I had seen this as the last chance at debauchery: all well and good, but not the best preparation the Groom can have for a wedding, especially not the night before the ceremony is due to take place.
The second time around I gave all this more thought. We were still fairly young, and to be honest there had been some wild times, but we were all starting to grow out of that and pretty much all had wives or serious girlfriends. I wanted the event to be memorable, even a little traditional, but I didn’t want it to have any effect on the wedding itself, or cause any serious problems for the Groom (or anyone else that would be present).
My first sensible move was to have it the weekend before the wedding, that way there would be plenty of time for recovery. To add double security I delegated the running of the evening, and much of the organizing to two friends, one of whom was married. I made some excuse about being too busy and boring to really do it justice. This then left me free to keep an eye on the Groom’s interests, and on the night went easy on the booze. Nothing really untoward looked like happening, and the two guys did a great job, far better than I would have done, but the security blanket of being able to look after the Groom was golden.
Then there was the speech. I hate making speeches, and discussing emotional stuff doesn’t sit well with me. On top of this I had the nightmare of the previous effort still in my head. Again I hit the internet for help and found some of the most helpful and amazing stuff you could possibly imagine. I did a lot of research on free sites and also bought into some low priced material by professional speech writers. Knowing that I was going to not want to do the speech I made doubly sure that I started nice and early preparing for it. In the end my speech was only 5 minutes long, but I don’t think that more work has ever gone into a speech in the whole of human history.
My tips for making a top Best Man speech- here are some of the things that I learnt along the way:
1. Gather your thoughts before you even think about writing a speech.
There are lots of methods for doing things like this; my own personal favorite is the brain-dump.
This is easiest to do on a computer, although you can still do it on paper- it just requires more concentration (you’ll see why). Basically, turn off the monitor and type everything that comes into your head as you think about the Bride and Groom, and I mean everything: if you think “Bride & Groom, hmmm, don’t know really, do I really know them… then that is what you type. Don’t worry about spelling or grammar; just get your thoughts out of your head onto the computer. This bypasses your brain’s instinct to edit-as-you-go. Then when you have done that you can turn on the monitor and then edit what you have.
2. Find a resource of relevant quotes and pick at least on really poignant one. Don’t go overboard, but a well placed quote by one of histories great orators will have more impact than a thousand of your own words.
3. If you feel like it is beyond you to do this on your own then get help. The internet is full of professional advice on this subject, from general tips to prewritten speeches that just require you to change the names.
4. On the first draft of your speech, don’t worry about the length, just write what you want to say, then you can start to shorten it.
5. Time is everything. One line is not a speech, it is barely a toast: 30 minutes is not a speech it is rambling! 4 to 6 minutes should be ideal, remember the more you say, the more chance that you will say something you really shouldn’t.
6. Practice, practice and then practice again- preferably to an audience who will give you positive and constructive feedback.
7. Don’t try and memorize a five minute speech, its possible to do, but why take the risk. Likewise, don’t have a script: there is nothing worse than someone ‘reading’ a speech. Speeches are to be delivered, not read. Rather use bullet points, remember though, practice, practice, practice.
8. Speak to the last person in the room, in the deepest darkest corner not to the person sat next to you (if there is a microphone, don’t use it unless you have to, or unless you are familiar with using one- in which case, why do you need advise from me?) Your speech is about the Bride and Groom, but you are delivering to the whole room. If you have something personal that you want to say to them, then do it afterwards, in private. Be loud, but don’t shout.
9. Finally, take your time, relax and enjoy the experience, it amazing how much confidence you can gain by facing up to a challenge like this, conquering your fears and winning out over them. In surveys on phobias public speaking consistently ranks in the top three, and usually comes before death; beating a fear that powerful has to be a huge feather in your cap.
My final advice on being a best man is to really work hard at making the Bride and Grooms big day as good as it can be. A wedding is supposed to be fun and joyous, and I will guarantee that it will be for you if you are glowing with the feeling that you did as much as you could to help make it all possible. Not only should you enjoy the moment, but look forward to life long appreciation from two people who really mean a lot to you.
Oh… glad you asked about how my speech went. I would like to say that I was Kennedy reborn, but alas, not quite, but here’s the thing: I am no natural public speaker, and never will be, but the effort that I had made was apparent to all in the room. That I stuttered and ummed my way through it didn’t matter on bit: it was the content that one the day. And at the end of the day I knew, the Groom knew and everyone else close to the couple knew that I had done everything I could to make their experience a positive one.
About the Author
by Russell Hepworth
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makingaspeech@makingweddingspeeches.com
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